This November, I will cover several “touchy subjects” that come up as you get more familiar with your dance scene. You may start to notice a few things about your dance scene that you probably have some opinions about. Today I want to talk about cliques.
Let’s look at an a situation with a girl named *Suzie (just a made up name). Suzie wants to get better, and she knows one of the ways to improve is to dance with people who are better than she is.
She looks around and notices that the good dancers are all sitting together in a corner, chatting, and dancing with each other. “None of them go out and dance with us beginners!” she says, annoyed. She starts to use all the tricks she knows to get them to ask her to dance, and they still don’t do it.
Finally, Suzie decides it’s time for action. She logs on to the local message board and writes, “What’s wrong with the dancers in our town? They aren’t doing anything to give us newbies a fair shot. They only dance with each other and it’s selling us short. C’mon folks! How are we gonna improve if you don’t help us?”
There are a flood of responses. Several other newer dancers chime in agreeing, telling stories of never getting asked or even getting turned down. Some people agree. Others defend themselves. Some rather rude individuals will say “I know who I like to dance with, and yes, I only dance with them.” The discussion explodes and goes on for hundreds of posts until it finally dies with nothing resolved.
The next year, the same thing happens, only it’s *George who started it this time. And on it goes…
The truth is, there are cliques in dance scenes - some more open to dancing with new people than others.
When you start dancing, you’ll notice that you develop a certain kind of friendship with certain other dancers. Perhaps you’re seeing the same people over and over at workshops you attend. Perhaps you have the same opinions on favorite music or styles and such. You probably have a few dance friends that you hang out with outside of dances. Sometimes, you have more fun sitting and visiting with friends at a dance than you do actually dancing. These days you don’t really focus on finding new people or improving, or whatever. It happens.
Here’s my stance on the issue. Sometimes, I really enjoy going out of my way to find new people to dance with. I may be surprised at how enjoyable a new person is. Other times, I have certain people I really want to dance with, and I will seek them out. And yet other times, I simply want to spend a night dancing with my husband.
The bottom line is you can’t control other people’s actions, and you don’t always know the motivation behind their actions. We’re all out to have a good time, and that means different things to different people at different times.
If you really want to “break into” a clique, be proactive and ask them to dance. Don’t give up the first time you get turned down.
Another approach is to find someone at your level who’s as motivated as you are to improve, and work with them. Work really hard at getting better, and more people will want to dance with you - as long as you remember to still have FUN while on the dance floor.
What do you think about cliques in your dance scene?
4 responses so far ↓
1 Natalia // Nov 2, 2007 at 11:24 am
Cliqueishness is tough. I know I have a circle of dance friends, and we’ve gotten the impression that others have felt left out. It’s hard, because we certainly feel that we are inviting and open, but it’s hard to know how it looks from the outside in.
It’s something to think about for sure.
3 Ryan // Nov 30, 2007 at 4:07 pm
I don’t think many real cliques actually exist (where people intentionally keep people out of their group). Even on the days I am tired and just want to dance with my friends, it’s mostly coincidental that my friends are good dancers. I’ve been around a while (and have always worked to learn) so that’s how it is. I’m just as likely to dance with a friend who’s a terrible dancer because she’s my friend than a friend who’s a good dancer. I think it’s the feeling of being used that is unpleasant, not getting to know new people. Of course, there are always exceptions.
I agree with your suggestion to work with someone to improve and as you do more people will dance with you and you’ll become friends. The reverse is also true…
Try and actually become friends by engaging in conversation and being interested in them, not just in their dancing. As a result, you’ll get better because they’ll know you and ask you to dance.
C.S. Lewis has a fascinating essay on cliques. It’s called The Inner Ring and can be found via google.
4 Maria // Feb 6, 2008 at 8:28 pm
There are most certainly cliques in our salsa scene, and while I don’t think they are intentional, I think that most people are aware they are in this sort of group whether they are willing to admit it or not. The existence and fairness of these cliques has been debated at great length, but in any case it’s inevitable. However, I don’t think it’s necessarily a a bad thing. I don’t think that all these sorts of groups should be classified as cliques.
People who have been dancing for years or are at a certain level are naturally going to gravitate to the dancers that they know and that are at their level. I don’t think you can call that a clique. These days, I go out so little that to be honest, I want every dance I have to be the best dance. As a result, I have been known to turn down dancers that I have seen lacking in basic skills, rhythm, or floorcraft. Most times, I’ll dance with anyone who asks, but I have my nights. People who are trying to break into a scene need to understand this and not give up on a person if they have been turned down once. If you ask again, chances are you’ll get your dance.
There are a few socially exclusive cliques, but I don’t think anyone, even the better dancers who are not part of those groups, thinks that it is any more special than your average high school clique.
Bottom line– if you’re trying to get your foothold in a scene, go to classes and practice to improve your skills, come out every now and then so that you can get recognized, and shamelessly ask people that you want to dance with, even if you have to do it twice. If you get turned down twice, chalk it up to rude behavior. They probably are so into themselves they wouldn’t be very good at partnering, anyway.
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