The Dance Primer

In my last post, I focused on critics and also mentioned how to deal with them specifically. I think it would also be helpful to take a look at the different ways people react to criticism. Doesn’t it make you cringe when you watch a performer on a reality competition show that gets super defensive about their awful performance? (And it’s hilariously worse when their mother is there to defend them as well.) Aren’t you impressed by those who seem to soak up every piece of advice they can get, and use it to improve their performance? Let’s take a closer look at different reactors:

I truly believe I’m better than anyone - This person is completely deaf to any critics. Nobody else’s opinions’ matter because nobody else is as good as they are. I don’t know if this person exists in reality, but there are many out there who offer this persona. In reality, I ‘d bet they are pretty hard on themselves, but don’t let anyone see it.

I’m totally offended - This person will let any criticisms hurt their feelings and lower their opinion of the critic. They may even go so far as to respond with insults. They benefit nothing from the given advice.

Thanks, but! - This person goes into defense mode, and will not initially hear the criticism. If told, “you need to stop looking at your feet while you dance,” they’ll say “I don’t look at my feet when I dance,” or “you too!” Defensive reactions will not help you improve.

Listen and nod - This person has the self control to not outwardly express any defensiveness they may feel. They internalize the criticism, for better or worse.

Can you clarify? - I recently posted some scenes I’ve drafted for my novel on a peer review site. A few critics made comments like “I see places for structural improvement.” My thoughts were, “that’s nice, but what are you talking about?” I asked them to point out some specific items to me. Even if they don’t point me to every problem, at least they give me an idea of what to look for and I can go from there.

Thank you, I appreciate learning ways to improve - The people I’ve seen react this way are always the fastest to improve. Rather than being nervous when the instructor comes toward them, they are excited for the opportunity for personal feedback. They take criticisms, and turn them into their own strengths. People with this sort of humble drive go far in whatever they try. Humility allows for growth in ways that stubborn pride never will.

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My personal favorites:

I personally love the critic who cares about me, so they want me to be better. My favorite teachers were always the ones who pushed me, yet weren’t shy about giving deserved compliments. I’ve always had little patience for flattery or the “my way is the only way” types. I admit, I could learn more from them (well, maybe not the flatterers) and need to be more open to hearing what they have to say.

I envy those who are grateful for all the criticism they receive. I am grateful for a lot of it, but do admit that I can get reactionary and defensive at times, or I’ll not give the critic much credit and completely ignore what they have to say. Ideally, I would always be the “can you clarify” type, and know that sometimes I am - but not always.

As a critic myself, I strive to give the kind of critiques that I like to get. I’ve had to do so professionally many times. I admit that where criticism is a regular part of any interaction, it can be easy to forget to point out positives. (I’m thinking job management, peer reviews, parenting, etc.) My hope is to leave people feeling excited to improve.
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What is your honest initial reaction to criticism? What are ways you can improve?

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*Photo by James Gordon on Flickr.