I know. I’ve had them too. Those nights where you plan on doing everything right but you still end up fighting a difficult internal self-esteem battle. You start to tell yourself things like: ‘I’ve totally got the wrong shoes, when can I afford another pair?’ ‘I’m a better than her… so why is she getting all the dances and I’m just sitting here?’ ‘I knew this was a bad idea. I should just go home and sleep.’
Nights like those are a killer! If you lose that inner battle, it could have disastrous effects, and more than just your dancing will suffer for it. So what can you do?
- First off, don’t expect fun to just come to you without any work on your part. Now is the time to stuff a sock in the mouth of that self-critical voice and ask the first person you see for a dance.
- Don’t psych yourself out by letting that person you see be too good, or not good enough, for you. Just ask them!
- Don’t give any excuses. Ask for a dance, but don’t mention anything about your difficult night. When you say things like that out loud, you’re giving power to that negative voice in your head, and it will affect your partner’s perception of you. Resist that temptation.
- If the first person you ask says no, don’t take it personally. (I know, hard to do on a night like this, but just brush it off, OK?) Just go ask the next person you see.
- If they say yes, use the dance to clear your mind. Connect with the music and the movement of your bodies, shutting out everything else.
- When the dance is over, thank them, again with NO excuses, and go ask the next person you see for a dance.
- Repeat the process until one of the following happens:
- You have stifled that voice in your head and you can leave saying you had a decent night.
- You pass out from exhaustion.
- You realize what a great night you’re having.
- You’ve discovered some new dancers you haven’t danced with before but really enjoyed.
- You have to hide for a break because people won’t stop asking YOU.
Now that you’re having a good time, try this little experiment: Go back to the first person you asked and ask them again. Notice how your dancing has improved now that your mood has?
No matter how terrible a night is, the power to have a good time IS in your hands. You’re there to have fun. Get creative and make it happen.
I’d love to hear your strategies. What are some of your secrets to turning a bad night into a good one?
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*Photo by Heather Garland on flickr.
2 responses so far ↓
1 Matt // Feb 25, 2008 at 12:50 pm
When I’m feeling lousy, I often will sit out for a little while, to let my self relax, and I’ll wait for just the right song to come along, that song that I have memorized backwards and forwards and that always inspires me. A song like that—one that makes me want to dance even when I’m feeling terrible—will often inspire me to let go more than I would usually, and I often end up having a really fun dance that turns my night around. Sometimes some of my worst nights have become some of my best!
2 Gidget // Mar 10, 2008 at 10:29 am
Last night, my night started out badly. I didn’t know anyone, the dancers were extra-clique-y, and it seemed like everyone was ignoring me.
Then a girl who also had come alone and didn’t know anyone walked up to me and we started talking. While neither of us got to dance much last night, each of us made a new friend!
We ended up making up cute girly solo dance routines to the songs (we’re swing dancers), and she taught me the shag basic, and I taught her the charleston basic, and we just had fun, with or without guys.
Don’t let a slow, dull night ruin your fun. There’s always a way to have fun at a dance, even if you’re dancing alone.
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