The Dance Primer

This dance is terribly boring. May as well make sure it stays that way:

1. Look down at your own feet. That way you’ll be sure to never accidentally make eye contact with anyone.
2. Sit in the back corner, as far against the wall as possible. If you can find a dark corner or have a drink to hold, even better.
3. Fold your arms. Try to perfect that “don’t talk to me” posture.
4. Speaking of posture, add in a slouch for good measure.
5. Frown, glare, or pout. You don’t want people to think you want to be there.
6. Don’t wear dance shoes. Hiking boots are a great alternative.
7. Don’t dress nicely. In fact, why don’t you just add to the hiking boot look and go for the “just finished hiking” overall look.
8. Eat a strong onion/garlic dinner just before dancing. Beans (and dairy for some) have the added benefit of gas…
9. You may as well make sure your underarms smell as unpleasant as your breath.
10. If anyone does have the nerve to ask you, say no. To ensure they don’t ask again, scan them slowly from head to toe before you speak.

*Photo by Tim Parkinson.

Related Articles: (brought to you by the number 10)

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