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Can I even write about this? Can I do it justice? I feel I must try. (Inspired by a post by Melena at African.Dance.Drum.Life!)
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Dance speaks differently to each of us, and through each of us. Different songs and rhythms pull different bodies in different directions. A good standard jazz tune can’t keep me in my seat. A bad country song will find me not only leaving the dance floor, but the room, too. That’s just me.
Add pregnancy.
Talk about an addition! This amazing occurance does such new and strange things to our bodies and minds that dancing becomes a completely new experience all over again - and new again in a completely different way when a different pregnancy comes along.
When swinging and floating in the arms of my love, it’s heavenly. We’re reminded we’re not alone when a belly bumps between us, and we giggle. He forgives my unsteadiness, missed steps, tiredness… as he recognizes my body is a new skin each time I’m on the dance floor. We work so hard at finding and moving from our cores, as dancers… but when our core is filled with an entirely new being that “finding our center” becomes profound and sometimes overwhelming.
The dancing I love to do most is social - it cannot happen alone. “I want to dance with the pregnant lady,” someone shouts across the floor! I’m dressed in an adorable little cherry covered dress with my belly popping out all over the dance floor. Only, the one who shouts out never does ask… and neither do any other single men. An aspect of the dance has ended - the flirtatious curiousity of exploring new dancers. I feel lost for a piece of the dance I love. It doesn’t happen to my husband. He still asks/gets asked by the single girls too. But only a small handfull of men see me anymore, though they smile appreciatively at the belly. Others remark, “Oh how cute!” and “I want to dance when I’m pregnant.” Do they have any idea what they’re saying?
The emotional aspect now involved in dancing, I cannot begin to explain. Others’ remarks are both welcome, and painful. The social dynamic, a whole new aspect. And most of all, there’s the relationship between myself and the new life inside.
My first son (we did not know it was a boy until it was born) loved for me to dance. He would complain with kicks when the music and movement ended. “But I’m tired,” I might say. “I don’t care,” I could almost hear him, “keep dancing!” Practice for conversations we would have after he was born. “You will be a dancer,” I would think. “At least you will share my love of dance!”
Some people love being pregnant. Some people feel great. Some have it easy. I think the SOME must be emphasized here. I believe it is a very small SOME. I never expected to love being pregnant. I did expect the physical hardships.
I began ballroom dancing my senior year of high school, 1996. I auditioned after learning the basic Cha Cha steps, and made it onto our school’s first ballroom dance team. Rehearsals were very early in the morning, and our coach would bark at us about the littlest thing. I hated her. When I got the part in the school’s musical, being at school from 5a.m. to 10p.m. became too much, and I quit the ballroom team. Visiting later, I discovered the coach was actually a nice woman, and completely changed after her baby was born. She was just a grumpy pregnant lady.
What I did not want, more than anything, was to become that grumpy pregnant woman. Oh, well. I was most certainly grumpy while pregnant. But I don’t think I took it out on any of my dance students. Instead, dance was an outlet I could work through my grumps, and physical difficulties, and connect with not only my center, but with my child.
My first pregnancy was a sensual one. I was constantly in the mood for some real down in-it blues dancing. Constantly. Or Belly Dancing would do. Rolling movements… with a round body… is something else.
My second pregnancy was a compeltely different story. It was harder. I was VERY tired. I did not *want* to dance. I never looked forward to teaching my classes, or helping out at practicas. However, when I did start moving it was so much easier, suddenly. With the right partner, or the right song, or when I was teaching, I could forget about myself and my tiredness and enjoy life again. But it wasn’t easy.
And then came the point where I couldn’t dance. That was heartbreaking. I had never wanted to get up, and now suddenly wanted to, when I couldn’t. I would still go to teach my classes - and let my husband lead physically, while I would sit and DJ and instruct from the sidelines. I had many mothers among my students who watched out for me. When I would get too excited and start doing something with more energy they would begin joking about me going into early labor. (I have to say the months-worth of pre-labor I had helped the real labor go along vey well, I think.)
I feel this has been far to rambly, and not getting out what I’m trying to say. I wonder if I can answer something more directly. Here is something I want to answer from the post that inspired my dribbling now:
“A part of me was worried too though — that if I were a pregnant mother — I’d surely lack the discipline to wade through the sensual dance waters and instead, surrender to my usual explosive dance making.
I started to think how dance might hurt my future child and if I’ll ever learn the calm so necessary to be pregnant and dancing… ”
I love your first paragraph. Oh, the worries and wonders of it all. There is no answer to this, except for experience, which will be different for you than it was for me, or any other pregnant woman. For your second paragraph, though - if you are in good physical condition, explosive dancing will likely not hurt your future child. I think the only way dance could hurt a future child is after the child were born… if dance had priority over the child, or if dance was forced upon an unwilling child - both seem unlikely scenarios.
I do not want to force dance upon my sons, but I want them to experience the love that dance speaks to me. I would love to equip them with better and earlier experiences and training than I had - but only time will tell what I am able to do, and what they will desire anyway. My two-year-old seems to enjoy it so far, and with his nickname of Jazz, he’s unlikely to be able to escape at least knowing some dance or music.
I guess I have to conclude that dancing pregnant is magic, wonderful, painful, awful, and nothing all that special - all at the same time. It will continue to be a part of your life. Things change both entirely and not at all when you’re pregnant. Suddenly, people are blown away by you continuing your life with things like dancing, or even signing political petitions, or things you used to do every day without a second glance. You learn what your priorities really are, when you must make a daily decision to pursue your priorities… which sometimes may be hiding in bed doing nothing more than growing or caring for a new life.
-Signing off from the corner of the bed, next to my beautiful sleeping infant…
My long haitus has taken us through the end of my pregnancy, and I’m very proud to announce the arrival of my son last Sunday! It will likely still be a while before I return to regular posting, but I hope to be back in the dance blogosphere soon.
In the mean time, my favorite dance competition show, So You Think You Can Dance, is back for season four. Tonya Plank reviewed the first round of competitions pretty well, and I commented with my own opinions. I do have to add, though, that my two favorites from the audition episodes were cut, and that made me somewhat sad, but the overall talent this season is high enough that I won’t boycott the show. I don’t remember the names of the two boys whos auditions I liked so well, but one was like watching Cary Grant, and Nigel even said so. I was sorry to see him go. The other was an extremely powerful contemporary dancer… I wish I had caught his name. At least both of these boys were so full of talent that they will very likely succeed in the dance world without the extra name/face recognition from SYTYCD.
I had the opportunity to speak with Dax Hock about his dancing. I was impressed by his intellectual approach to things, as well as how easily he shares what he’s learned. If you get the chance to learn from Dax, I would highly recommend him.
What’s your biggest tip for beginner dancers?
Be persistent in your learning and do a lot of social dancing. Also, dance as much as possible with the advanced dancers (I know it’s scary, but it is the quickest route to becoming a better dancer). Find inspiration, meet people, make friends, and dive in! People who are hooked get better! Also, as you improve, traveling to different dance scenes can mix things up and be inspirational. Overall the more you dance the better you’ll get!
It is also important to realize there’s lots of learning sources, from social dancing, DVD’s, local classes, workshops and YouTube videos. Just get out there and be persistent and if you are looking to seriously improve, try setting a goal and work to achieve it. The more you are involved in the social scene, the dance, and the community, the more you will get out of the the experience.
Speaking of goals, what kind of goals do you have right now for your dancing?
I’m trying to make happen in my physical body what I imagine in my mind is possible with dancing. In other words, after 10 years I have developed this idea in my head of how amazing dancing can be; rhythmically, creatively, stylistically, musically, connectionisticly*, etc. I’m constantly striving to accomplish these things and pushing to reach that limit while keeping it pure lead and follow!
That’s great. That’s a really good answer because that’s the type of goal that even a beginner can have, and not just something like “my goal is to go win this competition.” So that’s a good example. Thanks.
I would say… This is my big thing. Whenever I teach a workshop I ask my students if they want to get better at dancing, and of course the answer is yes. That is usually why they’re in the class. And then I ask them “so what is dancing?” And many have trouble really answering the question. I then like to ask, “how do you expect to get better at something if you don’t even know what it is?” I think people spend far too little time thinking about dancing. For example, what dancing actually is, what makes good dancing, and what differentiates it from “not as good” dancing? Why other people might be improving faster or having more fun? I guess the point I like to make to those interested in improvement is this….if you don’t really understand what something is you’re not going to be able to get much better at it. This goes for the dance as a whole or a concept as small as rhythm, leading, or a swing out.
When I teach, I like to provide answers to these questions in a way that physically relates to the body, that way you can practice it, instead of just think you know it. I think if you can’t break down dancing into physical things that you can practice you’re just gonna kind of wander around for a while a bit lost. Some people might get better naturally and other might struggle for a long time. But, it is like a mystery until you know what is it you’re trying to do.
When you look at swing dancing, it’s not like ballet where you need this perfect dancer’s body, or unnatural like ridiculous competition ballroom that is totally off the music. Swing is a very natural movement if you relax into the music and let your body move rhythmically. Swing was created and refined on the social dance floor, not in the ballroom in front of a mirror. That is what makes it feel so good! So if you’re not moving your body rhythmically and naturally it’s hard for me to say “that’s good dancing”, when for me it is resembles “movin’ around” tying to create shapes and footwork patterns that don’t really makes sense while music is playing in the background. In the end there is a lot of core elements you can focus on – but I think if people better understand the music, dance, and connection they will be able to make every social dance a positive learning experience. And RELAX. That’s the number one tip.
Relax?
Yup, because excess muscle tension causes our bodies to do every bad habit there is. We can’t balance, do footwork, maintain frame, move in rhythm, move in style and much more if we have unnecessary muscle tension in our body. It prevents us from being able to move naturally. I like to think everyone’s body wants to dance, at least when some good swing is playing, and all we have to do is JUST LET IT. In other words, be at your optimal point of relaxation at all times, and let your body do the rest!
This is the primary difference between the pros and everyone else. Of course it could be broken down into little specific things like, like foot work, arm stylings, variations, blah blah blah, but that is like viewing dance though a toilet paper roll and creating an endless list of things to fix.
What, for you personally, is the biggest challenge you’ve faced – or something you’ve overcome when it comes to dancing?
The biggest challenge for me was overcoming a back injury. I hurt my back really bad and herniated my L4 and L5 discs. I thought I wouldn’t be able to dance again which created a huge mental burden as well as a physical one. But I kept training, and stuck to the regime that my physical therapist gave me. Once I was able to start dancing again and use my back, it was a huge weight off my shoulders. I could have given up dance and just played on my computer, and pursued a musicians lifestyle, but thank the swing man I didn’t.
That’s sort of boring, so otherwise I would have to say that working on our last team routine, that the “Ninjammers” put together, was INSANE. It was physically the hardest routine I’ve ever done in my life, at least that I can recall. The 2003 US Open was a tough one, but mostly cause of my back injury that I mentioned earlier.
[Watch a video of the routine:]
In the long run, the main challenge has been constantly pushing my dancing and teaching forward. I constantly search for the next step towards developing and refining my ideas and theories to embrace all styles of good dancing. As a teacher I seek to increase students ability to understand what they see, how to use their body, and most of all; make more accessible this luscious level of Lindy, which only the top dancers get to enjoy. It’s just not fair otherwise All this has been a challenge but I have been blessed with the company of so many talented people who have helped me along the way.
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*Fantastic photography by Bryant Gover. Check out his website, and watch for his upcoming Lindy Hop Photography book!
Today, a little video teaser. (It’s been too long since I’ve posted a video, hasn’t it!) I’ve got another great interview on the verge of being ready to post, but today, I’ll give you a visual clue of who you can read about soon…
This look at the blogroll is a bit shorter than usual, but I’d rather get them out there instead of waiting around in my drafts…
If you are an author on one of these blogs, I’d love for you add a little more about what your site is all about, or about yourself personally, in the comments. Thanks!
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** I always enjoy Carl’s dance blog and his thorough articles on swing, jazz and tap. He thinks deeply about the dance, and includes plenty of photo and video footage to supplement his writing.
*Chorebot isn’t really a blog, rather it’s a page about VICKI, a machine that generates choreography. It sounds very interesting, and I’ve seen musical performances that include electronic composers that sound similar.
*Makeda Thomas’ Great Dance blog, Choreographer’s Carnival, gives us a look at her life in Trinidad. She writes with the natural voice of an artist, and with a soul like that, I’m sure her dance is just as beautiful.
*We are treated to a weekly performance of video and written word on Clare Byrne’s Weekly Rites. This is another blog I would catagorize under performance art, moreso than dance, although the videos are about movement in her body… so I guess it depends on how you define both performance art and dance.
*Counter Critic is just that. From their own about page, “Counter Critic is an alternative resource for arts criticism and a forum for response to mainstream critics.”
*Critical Correspondence creates wonderful dialog both on the blog posts and in the forum, where dancers can register, write articles, and respond to each other.
There’s a new blog on the dance-blogger scene which looks to be a fantastic addition. Dance Advantage has a very similar focus to The Dance Primer, though its author has more experience in solo dancing. A perfect complement in my opinion! I strongly encourage you to check it out… especially during my extended lulls without posting. (Sorry about that. Priorities change sometimes - especially as the weather improves and outdoor work becomes more pressing than computer time.)
In my last post, I focused on critics and also mentioned how to deal with them specifically. I think it would also be helpful to take a look at the different ways people react to criticism. Doesn’t it make you cringe when you watch a performer on a reality competition show that gets super defensive about their awful performance? (And it’s hilariously worse when their mother is there to defend them as well.) Aren’t you impressed by those who seem to soak up every piece of advice they can get, and use it to improve their performance? Let’s take a closer look at different reactors:
I truly believe I’m better than anyone - This person is completely deaf to any critics. Nobody else’s opinions’ matter because nobody else is as good as they are. I don’t know if this person exists in reality, but there are many out there who offer this persona. In reality, I ‘d bet they are pretty hard on themselves, but don’t let anyone see it.
I’m totally offended - This person will let any criticisms hurt their feelings and lower their opinion of the critic. They may even go so far as to respond with insults. They benefit nothing from the given advice.
Thanks, but! - This person goes into defense mode, and will not initially hear the criticism. If told, “you need to stop looking at your feet while you dance,” they’ll say “I don’t look at my feet when I dance,” or “you too!” Defensive reactions will not help you improve.
Listen and nod - This person has the self control to not outwardly express any defensiveness they may feel. They internalize the criticism, for better or worse.
Can you clarify? - I recently posted some scenes I’ve drafted for my novel on a peer review site. A few critics made comments like “I see places for structural improvement.” My thoughts were, “that’s nice, but what are you talking about?” I asked them to point out some specific items to me. Even if they don’t point me to every problem, at least they give me an idea of what to look for and I can go from there.
Thank you, I appreciate learning ways to improve - The people I’ve seen react this way are always the fastest to improve. Rather than being nervous when the instructor comes toward them, they are excited for the opportunity for personal feedback. They take criticisms, and turn them into their own strengths. People with this sort of humble drive go far in whatever they try. Humility allows for growth in ways that stubborn pride never will.
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My personal favorites:
I personally love the critic who cares about me, so they want me to be better. My favorite teachers were always the ones who pushed me, yet weren’t shy about giving deserved compliments. I’ve always had little patience for flattery or the “my way is the only way” types. I admit, I could learn more from them (well, maybe not the flatterers) and need to be more open to hearing what they have to say.
I envy those who are grateful for all the criticism they receive. I am grateful for a lot of it, but do admit that I can get reactionary and defensive at times, or I’ll not give the critic much credit and completely ignore what they have to say. Ideally, I would always be the “can you clarify” type, and know that sometimes I am - but not always.
As a critic myself, I strive to give the kind of critiques that I like to get. I’ve had to do so professionally many times. I admit that where criticism is a regular part of any interaction, it can be easy to forget to point out positives. (I’m thinking job management, peer reviews, parenting, etc.) My hope is to leave people feeling excited to improve.
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What is your honest initial reaction to criticism? What are ways you can improve?
Criticism is a huge part of our lives, and if it hasn’t been there in our dancing yet - it’s very possible it will be soon, especially if you’re serious about improving. The most public example I can think of is American Idol/SYTYCD - where those who have the confidence to audition in the first place may be experiencing criticism for the first time. Everyone reacts differently. So, not just for our dancing but also for coping with life in general, I thought it may be helpful to look into different kinds of criticism, and different ways we can react to it. First, let’s look at the critics.
Eight Types of Critics:
I care about you, so I want you to be perfect - This is that person who, no matter what you do, always has something to say about what you could have done better. This person usually has your best interest at heart, but may show their affection for you by pointing you toward what they see as perfection. A compliment may be hard to come by from this person. When receiving their criticism, try to remember that they’re only trying to help. We all need to realize, there may be moments of perfection, but perfection overall is an unattainable goal and those who seek it will meet disappointment.
I care about you, so I want you to be better - This is a milder version of the perfectionist. They may critique you often, but they will also offer compliments when you deserve them. Their criticism may be more encouraging, as they are more realistic about where you are and where you can go. Critiques from this person are often helpful, even if they are challenging.
I don’t want to hurt your feelings… fluff, flatter, and non-criticism - Think Paula Abdul as a judge. Doesn’t she just love everybody? Even those who are tone deaf, the worst she can do is giggle and say, “I’m sorry.” Flattery may help your ego, but in reality it won’t get you anywhere.
I’m a professional, and I know what I’m doing - Some instructors believe in the saying, “it’s my way, or the highway.” Or, at least that’s how they come across in their teaching. Sometimes, they are right. There are certain things that are most effectively done certain ways, and if you’re learning from a professional, it’s a good idea to learn whatever you can from them, even if it means trying something a way that may not work for you now. (You can always throw it out later, but if you’re open to try it in the first place, you really could learn something.)
The professional critic - Different than the professional in the field itself, this person is looking to share with the world the quality of what is presented to them, and you probably won’t encounter them unless performing in a professional show. They likely have great depth in their knowledge of the subject, so in that regard they are to be taken somewhat seriously. However, their job is also to sell words, so exaggerating the negative or positive aspects of what they see will often happen.
The accidental critic -This may come from a peer who let’s their opinion slip out. As hurtful or helpful as what they say may be, it is wise to recognize someone’s honest opinion as valuable and learn what you can from it - even if it is humbling and difficult.
I truly believe I’m better than everyone - This is the person that may offer advice to everyone, yet never seem to have a smile on their own face. You may listen to what they have to say, but judge wisely. Is this really someone you want to emulate? If so, you may want to take their advice seriously. If not, let it go.
I need to put others down to build myself up - This person hasn’t learned that when you push others down, you go down with them. Don’t let their criticism hurt your feelings. Instead, recognize that they probably need some self-esteem of their own.
The Self Critic -This critic is often the worst, and the most unfair. It focuses only on negatives and is often blind to the positives or improvements. Remind yourself to judge fairly, against your own abilities.
How do you feel about these critics? Which ones do you face most often? How do you deal with them? (Next, we’ll look at different ways people react to criticism in general.)
One of my very favorite photographers just posted his pictures from the Portland Lindy Exchange. (Remember, that Swing Fest dance party I posted about a while ago?) The one night I was able to go out was the one night he didn’t bring his camera - which may be a good thing…
Another regular reader who is a great asset to our dance scene in Portland also posted his pics, and did manage to snap a shot of me. You can check them out here. Look for the one of me if you want. It’s kind of like Where’s Waldo.
I don’t remember the names of the two boys whos auditions I liked so well, but one was like watching Cary Grant, and Nigel even said so. I was sorry to see him go. The other was an extremely powerful contemporary dancer… I wish I had caught his name. At least both of these boys were so full of talent that they will very likely succeed in the dance world without the extra name/face recognition from SYTYCD.
All this has been a challenge but I have been blessed with the company of so many talented people who have helped me along the way.
